Caesar Goes Hollywood
by Coriannee
Summary: A class project paraphrasing the first scene of act 2 of Julius Caesar. The only catch was that we had to change the style of writing. My group chose celebrities. R&R please!


Alright.

So this was an English project where we had to paraphase the first scene of act 2 in Julius Cesaer. The project was a riot and this was my groups work. We had to act it out in front of the entire class. I thought I'd post it, just to see what everyone else thinks.

Enjoy!

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Act II Julius Caesar Paraphrasing

Tom Cruise(Brutus)

Dr. Phil(Cassius)

Martha Stewart(Lucius)

Paris Hilton(Decius)

Britney Spears(Cinna)

Justin Timberlake(Metellus Cimber)

Jessica Simpson(Casca)

Dick Cheney(Trebonius)

(Enter Tom Cruise)

Tom Cruise - Martha! You jail-bird! What time is it? Aliens!

(Enter Martha Stewart)

Martha Stewart - What?

Tom Cruise - Turn on the light.

Martha Stewart - Yes.

(Exit Martha Stewart)

Tom Cruise - I'm receiving an alien vibe that Brad Pitt is not right for the new part. I do not know if I should stop him from doing the movie before he messes it all up and makes everyone mad.

(Enter Martha Stewart)

Martha Stewart - I turned on the light and realized that you had an unread email.

Tom Cruise - Go to bed. It is still dark. Isn't tomorrow the 15th of March?

Martha Stewart - I don't know.

Tom Cruise - Go look at the calender.

Martha Stewart - I will.

(Exit Mathra Stewart)

Tom Cruise - (Alien translations) The aliens tell me that they are tired of one person ruling LA and that LA is not what it used to be when the great pioneers of fill founded it. (Concludes with strange dance move.) If someone were to try to overthrow Brad, and the viewers would follow, we would all be converted to Scientology and I would be king!

(Enter Martha Stewart)

Martha Stewart - It is going to be the 15th of March. Would you like me to bake you some shamrock cookies for St. Patrick's Day on the 17th?

Tom Cruise - That's good, now go get the door. Someone is here.

(Exit Martha Stewart)

Tom Cruise - I haven't slept since Dr. Phil advised me to overthrow Brad. Since the first night, everything has felt like a nightmare. Because of the revolt, the entire filming industry would collapse!

(Enter Martha Stewart)

Martha Stewart - I'm working on your cookies and Dr. Phil is here to see you.

Tom Cruise - Is he alone?

Martha Stewart - There are others with him.

Tom Cruise - Do you know them?

Martha Stewart - I cannot tell who they are because of the way they are dressed.

Tom Cruise - Send them in.

(Exit Martha Stewart)

Tom Cruise - The people are here to discuss assassinating Brad. Not even the alien underworld is dark enough to hide their passion to kill Brad Pitt.

(Enter Dr. Phil, Jessica Simpson, Justin Timberlake, Dick Cheney, and Paris Hilton)

Dr. Phil - Get real Tom. Abnormal sleep habits may cause psychological problems in the future. Did we wake you?

Tom Cruise - I've been up all night. Do I know the people with you?

Dr. Phil - Yes, you know all of them. They all love you. It's okay to be scared sometimes.

Tom Cruise - Welcome alien lovers.

Dr. Phil - This is Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton - That's hot.

Dr. Phil - This is Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Dick Cheney.

Tom Cruise - Welcome all, to my pimp palace.

Dr. Phil - May I say something?

Paris Hilton - There is the east. Where is the sun? I am so hot.

Jessica Simpson - No.

Brittney Spears - Excuse me, sir. It is going to be a cloudy day. (Drops babies) Oops, I did it again.

Jessica Simpson - It is a beautiful day here in capital city.

Tom Cruise - Let's hold hands! Alien lovers unite! And dance!

Dr. Phil - We can never tell anyone about this secret meeting.

Tom Cruise - No, we are not able to make this promise. Even if we don't tell anyone, the aliens will always know. We cannot hide anything from them.

Dr. Phil - Should we see what Michael Jackson thinks? It may be good for his mental health.

Jessica Simpson - Yes, we need him.

Justin Timberlake - Yes, we need him because his dance moves would help us overthrow Brad. While his dance moves are spectacular, we all know that I am the only one bringing sexy back.

Tom Cruise - No, he is not an alien worshiper. He only worships little boys.

Dr. Phil - Then forget him. He'll solve his own mental problems.

Jessica Simpson - So, is this chicken I have here, or is it fish? (Holds up can of Chicken of the Sea)

Paris Hilton - But like, should we like, kill like, only Brad?

Dr. Phil - According to my judgments, George Clooney is also a good friend of Brad Pitt. So they should be buried together.

Tom Cruise - We should kill Brad honorably and not make murderers of ourselves. Alien abduction will do. Clooney is only art of Brad and without Brad, he will not be a problem.

Dr. Phil - But I'm afraid of him because he loves Brad so much.

Tom Cruise - Don't worry about him. If he truly loves Brad, all George can do is go all emo and kill himself, but I don't think he would do that because he is working on other movies and has to much to live for.

Dick Cheney - Don't kill George. He'll live and will laugh about it later, just like my hunting buddy did after I shot him in the face!

(Clock chimes)

Tom Cruise - Wait, what time is is?

Dr. Phil - It's three o'clock.

Dick Cheney - It's time for us to leave.

Dr. Phil - But, we're not sure yet if Brad will take the part today or not. I fear he may be going crazy! He's grown very superstitious lately. It's very different from the strong opinions he used to have about adopting babies from other countries. It may be for this reason that the adoption agency might not let him adopt any more kids.

Paris Hilton - Have no fear because I'm here and I'm hot. Because I'm so hot, I'll make him decide on taking the part. Brade like, likes to hear about unicorns and bears and elephants. He like, loves the zoo. When I tell him he hates rabid fans, he agrees. Let me like, do this because I'm like, so hot. I can make him decide and I'll bring him to the capitol.

Dr. Phil - No. We'll all go get him.

Tom Cruise - By eight o'clock, right?

Brittney Spears - That'll be the latest. Don't screw it up.

Justin Timberlake - Jennifer Aniston has a grudge against Brad because he broke up with her to get with Angelina. I'm surprised none of you invited her to this. I'm sure she'd love to help kill Brad.

Tom Cruise - Good thinking, JT. The aliens praise you. Jen loves me, so send her to my house and I'll fill her in on the plan.

Dr. Phil - It's almost morning, so we need to leave. Everyone, go in different directions so it won't look suspicious and remember the plan. Make our fans proud.

Tom Cruise - Everyone, look happy. Don't look as if we're planning on doing something wrong. If you can't muster up a happy face, I'll have the aliens plant happy thoughts in your heads. Act like an actor and maintain your dignity. I'll see you all in the morning.

(All exit except Tom Cruise)

Tom Cruise - Hey, Martha! Are you asleep? It doesn't matter. Enjoy your sleep. You have no hopes or dreams of what will become of men once the aliens take over, that's why you sleep so soundly.


End file.
